How much time does it take to heal my grief?To recover fully from grief is uniquely different for each person. Every death affects us so individually.
The depth and nature of your mourning and bereavement will follow your personality traits.
The time it will take for your grief will depend on several factors.
Read through the following questions and evaluate yourself regarding the nature of YOUR loss.
How many of the following factors apply to you?
What level of intensity applies to any of these factors?
What other factors may be present for you?
The time it will take for your grief will be determined by the depth (and complexity) of your emotional
involvement with the deceased and the desire for resolution with any of these issues or factors:
1. Was the death expected or unexpected?
How prepared were you for the death (from no time to prepare to years of waiting)?
Do you categorize the death as fair or unfair? Was it a natural death, a suicide,
a homicide, or accidental? Was it the death of a child, an adolescent or younger adult?
2. What is the level of disruption (or change) that has affected your daily life in each of these areas:
physically, emotionally, mentally, socially, spiritually?
3. What is the true impact of your loss?
How deep was the love or emotional investment that you had to the one who died?
Did you ever imagine your life without this person before? Are you willing to now?
What meaning does your life hold without this person with you now?
Or are you surprised at the lack of intensity of love or attachment to this person?
Are you willing to be honest with yourself about what this death really means?
4. Will you have to put your grief for this death "on hold"
to handle other issues, people or deaths in your life?
5. What issues related to this death need to be resolved?
What issues about the relationship to this person need to be resolved?
How simple or complex are the issues to be resolved?
6. How long will it take for you to thaw out of physical shock and numbness and
move into the full emotional impact of your loss?
7. How much time and space you are able and willing to give to the grieving process?
What will it take for you to release all your emotions until you feel resolved?
Are you willing to ask for help if you need it?
8. Will you choose to live or die from this death experience?
9. Do you choose to view this death as a personal growth experience
or as a victim of "a tragedy of never-ending sadness"?
What are the most constructive ways I can work to heal my grief?A. Firstly, view your grief process as a personal growth journey.
Within death comes rebirth. With every death experience, you step onto a new path that you have never been on before. It is your own completely unique journey that you must walk through in your own way. It can be the most extremely difficult period of your life, yet there is incredible healing from the pain of your loss. Every death will always bring up memories and unresolved issues of past deaths you’ve endured. There is a world of growth, healing and understanding to be found if you choose to look for it. You cannot see or predict what is up ahead. The only map that is available is the one YOU make. You must move forward each day on the path, trusting that you will find your own way to a peaceful resolution within yourself. If “time” is not healing your grief, then you will need to work more actively with it. The most efficient way is to start the task of processing out your emotions. It takes personal responsibility to own everything you feel about ALL that has happened within the scope of any death. It takes time and it takes courage to walk the Healing Journey of Grief.
B. You must hold the belief that you can heal from your loss and the pain of your grief.
Set your intention to personally grow and heal from this death experience.
C. Read 'often' the page “Healing Journey”. (located on this website)
Begin working on each step of the “Tasks of Healing Grief”.
Ask yourself honestly, "where am I at each step?", "where do I need to continue to work?" and
"what is the best method or resource for me at this point?"
D. Determine which methods or resources will work best for YOU.
The goal is to come to a peaceful acceptance/resolution of all aspects of the death experience.
Identify and effectively express and release your emotions about any relationship
and issues related to the death and what comes in the wake of death.
~ Write ~ Write ~ Write ~
Writing is the cheapest and most accessible form of therapy for emotional expression.
Journal writing is private and can be done in your own time and space.
You don’t need to be a ‘writer’ to express your feelings on paper. You don’t need to know grammar or how to spell.
So write about all that you FEEL...about all of it! Let out all the raw emotions at first. Express it in a journal or letters or lyrics or poetry. It is possible that your writings may take on a form that you might want to work with later . . . but don’t get stuck on that. The goal is about the emotional expression about the loss.
You can keep or destroy anything that you have written. Most importantly, express it often and fully.
~ Music ~
Read the information about “Music and Grief”. (located on this website)
These exercises are ways of connecting with your emotions and with whatever you need
to express about the death or what you want to express to your loved one.
~ Educate ~
Search out reputable books or audio tapes on the grief process.
There are various types of books on this subject of grief, loss and bereavement.
The styles of learning here move widely between “how to” topics to personal stories
about what other’s have learned and how they have healed.
Consider a healing grief workshop or seminar. You will be drawn to what you need.
~ Engage Your Creativity ~
Use any variation of writing, music, art, dance, crafts, quilt-making, scrapbooking,
videography, photography, etc. that can help you express your grief.
~ Grief Counseling and Support Groups ~
Seek out individual, couples or family grief recovery therapy.
Seek out a bereavement support group that fits the type of death you have experienced.
Explore online websites for internet support groups.
~ Spirituality ~
Let your Spirituality help you heal. Initiate or continue to develop your relationship to your
Creator/Source/God/Goddess/Nature to nurture and comfort you.
Engage more with your Soul, Spirit and Guides to help you on your
“Healing Journey of Grief”.
~ Grief Work Suggestions ~
Consider any of the options and ideas offered on the list of "Grief Work Suggestions".
(located on this website)
Choose and keep choosing ... and then take action.
Stay focused and persistent until you find what works for you.
~ Breathe Deeply ~
Take time for quiet solitude and practice breathing deeper each day.
~ Ask for Help from Helpful Sources ~
Don’t play the role of being a victim in the “tragedy of never-ending sadness”.
Ask for help and direction from constructive sources and people who are willing to assist.
Take the Journey into Healing your Grief and you’ll be richly rewarded.
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