We are human . . . we seek to love and be loved.
Grief is our response to being separated from who and what we love.
You'll know how much you've loved by the intensity of your grief.
Grief is part of being human, therefore, it can be healed!




Grief is our reaction to the death of a loved one or the loss of anything that we love.
Whenever we lose someone (or something) that is significant to us, we feel this absence as grief. At the root of all grief reactions are emotions. There are many different kinds of emotions that get triggered when death or loss happens to us. Each of us has our own set or combination of emotions related to each death or loss. The intensity of these emotions affects all other aspects of our being. Grief impacts us first physically. It then can also affect us mentally, behaviorally, socially and spiritually. Grief engages all of our senses, our personalities and can affect us in some unusual ways. When we suffer a significant loss, we are changed in many ways. It is important to recognize the wide range of grief reactions so that we can care for ourselves and others in our lives. Here are the definitions of commonly used phrases about grief and what they really mean:

The time between death and the acceptance of this loss is called bereavement.

When I "experience" my feelings of loss, I am grieving.

When I am "expressing" my feelings of loss, I am mourning.

The steps of healing and recovery from my grief is called Grief Work.

In our society we are not always aware of the depth of grief others are enduring. Grief doesn’t present itself like a physical wound. Grief can be the deepest heartache ever felt. It can also be an extremely traumatic replay of scenes or events. Death can create a loneliness and despair that is not noticed or inquired about. It may be difficult to recognize the many ways grief can show itself and how to identify how others are silently suffering from their losses. If our society doesn’t provide the support, we need to find ways to our own individual paths of healing. We do not need to be completely overwhelmed or incapacitated by the pain of our grief. We may need to allow more time, space and compassion for the way death and loss impacts our lives. We may need to allow ourselves more attention to the critically important steps of mourning and grieving after the loss of our loved one.


Death initially is experienced by the human being as a physical trauma. Everything about us is reacting to and trying to integrate the loss. Shock and disorientation come first. Shock shields us from feeling all the emotional pain at once. Disorientation happens because our nervous system is overwhelmed by trying to accept the full reality of the death. The various types of grief reactions, responses and behaviors from this point forward is very individual for each person.


In the tables below are some typical responses that we might experience in our grief. The upper list contains the more painful, difficult and uncomfortable emotions, responses and behaviors. If we are care-giving or involved in an approaching death, we may already have some of these reactions. This is called “anticipatory grief”.
The lower list in blue contains the emotions, responses and behaviors that are possible in the healing of our grief.

Read these tables as vertical columns. There is no direct path for how our emotions can affect us. We all move through our grief in a distinctly personal manner. The intensity of most all grief responses lessens with time. We can also participate more actively by allowing our grief process to be a personal growth experience and a healing journey.

Range of Possible Emotional Reactions Related to Grief		Range of Possible Physical and Mental Responses Related to Grief		Range of Possible Behaviors Related to Grief
sadness fear anguish loneliness pessimism anxiety angst guilt anger / rage yearning despair hopelessness frustration shame worthlessness meaninglessness emptiness resentment impatience boredom worry self-doubt self pity crisis / panic overwhelm jealousy / envy hurt revenge hatred betrayal abandonment rejection inadequacy humiliation		shock numbness disorientation denial / disbelief confusion crying / wailing / tearful sighing short term memory loss tightness in throat physical pain in the heart hollowness / emptiness digestive problems shortness of breath dizziness / vertigo fatigue / exhaustion headaches insomnia or oversleeping increased or loss of appetite weight loss or weight gain inactive or overactive over-reactive startle response restlessness change in sexual desire menstrual difficulties lowered immunity to illness muscular aching trembling / shakiness disorganized unable to concentrate unable to complete tasks forgetful / memory lapses withdrawn / inward daydreaming / staring nightmares failure to thrive mental replay of scenes / events		talkative apathetic afraid to be alone anti-social seek solitude irritable poor hygiene / self-care obsessive / compulsive regression blaming critical of self or others lack of personal boundaries lack of social boundaries self-involved erratic actions and decisions non-assertive overly assertive aggressive unable to stop crying increased use of alcohol or drugs use of sleeping aids new addictive behaviors lucid night dreaming inability to care for self unable to drive preoccupation with the deceased carry around objects of deceased sense presence of deceased refusal to accept reality of the death refusal to talk about the death constantly talking about the death preoccupation with your own death fear of others dying decreased motivation lose interest or passion in life

Possible Emotional Reactions to Healing Grief		Possible Physical and Mental Responses to Healing Grief		Possible Behaviors to Healing Grief
optimism contentment hope trust compassion happiness joy well-being satisfaction meaning		relief freedom emancipation improved physical health improved mental health calm and relaxed understanding		renewed interest / passion for life new or renewed individuality new or renewed independence improved motivation self-direction for life self-determination for life volunteering to help others compassion for self and others forgiveness for self and others acceptance

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